NewsJack Week 2

I sent in slightly less material this week, but that was OK because I was confident it was of a much higher standard. And just like putting Barbeque Chicken on a Pizza, I was wrong! That's Two weeks I've struck out now with four more weeks to go.

Here's the One-Liner I sent in this week:

At the Lib Dem conference a Blu-ray release of the Downing Street Rose Garden speech has been controversially edited to include Nick Clegg shouting the words 'Nooooo!'.

I was quite pleased with the merging of those two stories, although there's probably too much background information required. i.e. you have to have seen the latest Star Wars Blu-Ray edits, and also remember Clegg and Cameron's speech from last year. It could also just not be funny, I certainly haven't ruled out that possibility!

And here's a sketch I submitted about the Fonz receiving an OBE.

INT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE.

FONZ
Aaaay! Missus Q.

QUEEN
Don't you Missus Q. me Mr Fonzarelli! When we awarded you the OBE it wasn't an invitation for you to move in to our Garage.

FONZ
Relax babe. I'm just gonna hang out for a couple of days, catch up with some old buddies.

QUEEN
For the last time, that Ginger chap is Prince Harry not Richie Cunningham!

FONZ
You crack me up, Queenie.

QUEEN
I'm sorry Fonzie, but you can't live at Buckingham Palace rent free like some freeloading moocher. That's just not how we do things in the Royal Family.

FONZ
Maybe this will change your mind.

FONZIE CLICKS HIS FINGERS, SOME FIFTIES 'HAPPY DAYS' STYLE MUSIC STARTS, GIRLS SCREAMING.

QUEEN
Oh Fonzie! You're so dreamy.

FONZ
Aaaay! I still got it.

The problem with this sketch was probably the weak ending. And it didn't help that it was already a week old forgotten news story by the time the show would air. I must try to be more topical next week!... and funny!

In other writing news, I now have my idea for a short film! But I only have two weeks to write the script if I want to enter it into the Colabor8te competition. It's kind of a weird supernatural thriller so it's something completely different for me. I have the plot completely worked out in my head, all the twists and turns are in place so I really want to see how it comes out and what people think.

Short Film: Signs

Newsjack updates will probably dominate this blog for the next few weeks but I'm also racking my brains to come up with an idea for this short film competition. Plotting stories is not really my strong point, but you have to turn your weaknesses into your strength if you want to succeed... apparently.

As part of my research into what makes a good short film I've been watching quite a few and so far this is my favourite one.



In other news this week I have submitted a sketch and a one-liner to Newsjack. I've also submitted an entry for another short film competition over at Circalit.com, so it's been a busy few weeks on the writing front.

Oh and I'm hopefully shooting a new sketch in October.

NewsJack is Back!

The open door topical comedy show NewsJack has begun its fifth series!  Hooray!  As usual this is a great opportunity for me to work on my skills at handling rejection.

Here's the stuff I sent in this week with some self-analysis afterwards on why I think they sucked and didn't get on.

The ban on blood donations from homosexual men may soon be lifted. This is good news, as it will lead to an increase in the number of blood donors who are YMCA positive.

It's an OK joke but it's probably a bit too obvious.  I don't normally write one-liners so I was pretty pleased that my brain thunk of it.

Next is a WWF sketch where I don't make a single reference to the Macho Man:

JUSTIN
After becoming the new president of the UK World Wildlife Fund, Prince Charles declared himself to be part of an endangered species. A little self-serving perhaps?

INT. WWF MEETING ROOM.

CHARLES
Top of the Agenda today is the preservation of Prince Charleses-ses.

AIDE
Right, around here we tend to focus more on Pandas, Tigers. You know, species that people actually care about.

CHARLES
Yes but did you know there's only one Prince Charles left?

AIDE
It is astonishing to think that only one Prince Charles is responsible for producing so much pompous, self-righteous guff.

CHARLES
And do you know what the root cause of their decline is?

AIDE
Is it Inter-species cross breeding?

CHARLES
Don't be silly.

AIDE
Were they wiped out by a giant meteorite?

CHARLES
No. We're not talking about some fuddy, old, prehistoric creature here.

AIDE
I see.

CHARLES
It's due to mankind's over consumption. Let's start with a campaign targeting those selfish few who over-consume on our natural resources.

AIDE
That's actually an excellent idea!

CHARLES
Then perhaps we wont have problems like this morning, when there was nowhere for my Helicopter to land.

This is my favourite sketch of the two.  There's no real killer jokes but at least it has a target and sticks to it, my favourite bit is the Meteorite line.  The ending is a bit of a let down but it was a nice neat way out whilst staying on point.  Although it needed to be funnier.

I'm too disconnected from the world to write topical comedy, I just don't care enough about 'Making a Point' which means my sketches end up being more silly than satirical.  However!  When reading the Prince Charles article I started skimming through the reader's comments, and that's a great way to see all the different opinions on a story.  Then I picked the least racist viewpoint and adopted that position.

JUSTIN
George Osborne received criticism this week from former Chancellor Lord Lawson. Only in politics do you have to put up with the criticisms of some old duffer who used to do your job 300 years ago. It doesn't happen in say Medicine.

INT. OPERATING THEATRE - LIFE SUPPORT SOUNDS BLEEPING.

DOCTOR
Pass me the scalpel please Nurse.

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
Oooh, you're not gonna be able to chop his leg off with that tiny thing.

DOCTOR
Oh it's you, 18th century Doctor.

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
You need a hacksaw to get through those chunky meat pegs.

DOCTOR
Firstly. I've no interest in chopping off his leg, this is Brain surgery. And Secondly... what are you doing with those Leeches?

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
Pop a couple on his noggin, jobs a goodun.

DOCTOR
Please leave the operating theatre.

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
Why? Is it because you find my advice outdated and irrelevant in the modern world?

DOCTOR
No, it's because this is the NHS and we can't afford Leeches.

This sketch is just a mess and isn't even topical.  It starts off with a reference to a minor news item and then just goes off on a completely unrelated tangent.  I also commit the comedy sin of showing the slightest bit of sympathy for a Tory.  See, I told you I was disconnected from the world.

I think the 'This is Brain surgery' line would get a laugh as it has some misdirection beforehand, but that's about it.  The rest is unfunny nonsense.

The 'NHS can't afford Leeches' line is my cringing attempt at trying to be satirical but failing in the most embarrassingly amateur way possible.  Bloody Thatcher!

So that was that, hopefully I'll have better luck next week!

Some inspiring advice

I don't know who Ira Glass is but this speech is incredible, and has really inspired me to keep going with my creative efforts.  This has really hit home and exactly how I feel.


Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.