NewsJack is Back!

The open door topical comedy show NewsJack has begun its fifth series!  Hooray!  As usual this is a great opportunity for me to work on my skills at handling rejection.

Here's the stuff I sent in this week with some self-analysis afterwards on why I think they sucked and didn't get on.

The ban on blood donations from homosexual men may soon be lifted. This is good news, as it will lead to an increase in the number of blood donors who are YMCA positive.

It's an OK joke but it's probably a bit too obvious.  I don't normally write one-liners so I was pretty pleased that my brain thunk of it.

Next is a WWF sketch where I don't make a single reference to the Macho Man:

JUSTIN
After becoming the new president of the UK World Wildlife Fund, Prince Charles declared himself to be part of an endangered species. A little self-serving perhaps?

INT. WWF MEETING ROOM.

CHARLES
Top of the Agenda today is the preservation of Prince Charleses-ses.

AIDE
Right, around here we tend to focus more on Pandas, Tigers. You know, species that people actually care about.

CHARLES
Yes but did you know there's only one Prince Charles left?

AIDE
It is astonishing to think that only one Prince Charles is responsible for producing so much pompous, self-righteous guff.

CHARLES
And do you know what the root cause of their decline is?

AIDE
Is it Inter-species cross breeding?

CHARLES
Don't be silly.

AIDE
Were they wiped out by a giant meteorite?

CHARLES
No. We're not talking about some fuddy, old, prehistoric creature here.

AIDE
I see.

CHARLES
It's due to mankind's over consumption. Let's start with a campaign targeting those selfish few who over-consume on our natural resources.

AIDE
That's actually an excellent idea!

CHARLES
Then perhaps we wont have problems like this morning, when there was nowhere for my Helicopter to land.

This is my favourite sketch of the two.  There's no real killer jokes but at least it has a target and sticks to it, my favourite bit is the Meteorite line.  The ending is a bit of a let down but it was a nice neat way out whilst staying on point.  Although it needed to be funnier.

I'm too disconnected from the world to write topical comedy, I just don't care enough about 'Making a Point' which means my sketches end up being more silly than satirical.  However!  When reading the Prince Charles article I started skimming through the reader's comments, and that's a great way to see all the different opinions on a story.  Then I picked the least racist viewpoint and adopted that position.

JUSTIN
George Osborne received criticism this week from former Chancellor Lord Lawson. Only in politics do you have to put up with the criticisms of some old duffer who used to do your job 300 years ago. It doesn't happen in say Medicine.

INT. OPERATING THEATRE - LIFE SUPPORT SOUNDS BLEEPING.

DOCTOR
Pass me the scalpel please Nurse.

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
Oooh, you're not gonna be able to chop his leg off with that tiny thing.

DOCTOR
Oh it's you, 18th century Doctor.

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
You need a hacksaw to get through those chunky meat pegs.

DOCTOR
Firstly. I've no interest in chopping off his leg, this is Brain surgery. And Secondly... what are you doing with those Leeches?

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
Pop a couple on his noggin, jobs a goodun.

DOCTOR
Please leave the operating theatre.

18TH CENTURY DOCTOR
Why? Is it because you find my advice outdated and irrelevant in the modern world?

DOCTOR
No, it's because this is the NHS and we can't afford Leeches.

This sketch is just a mess and isn't even topical.  It starts off with a reference to a minor news item and then just goes off on a completely unrelated tangent.  I also commit the comedy sin of showing the slightest bit of sympathy for a Tory.  See, I told you I was disconnected from the world.

I think the 'This is Brain surgery' line would get a laugh as it has some misdirection beforehand, but that's about it.  The rest is unfunny nonsense.

The 'NHS can't afford Leeches' line is my cringing attempt at trying to be satirical but failing in the most embarrassingly amateur way possible.  Bloody Thatcher!

So that was that, hopefully I'll have better luck next week!